Why Narcissism Matters . . . or Making a Great Villain

Every great hero is defined by an even greater villain.

Whereas good protagonist heroes tend toward modesty and compassionate morality, evil antagonist villains tend toward narcissistic psychopathy and dispassionate apathy disguised as false empathy. And there are two classic types: grandiose narcissist, and vulnerable narcissist.

Grandiose narcissism is defined by self-entitlement, a sense of superiority, and a need for admiration. They are characterized by extraversion, high self–esteem, interpersonal dominance and a tendency to overestimate one’s capabilities.

Vulnerable narcissism is defined by a sense of entitlement but also an anxious and avoidant nature. They are characterized by introversion, are defensive, avoidant and present a hypersensitive attitude in interpersonal relations.

The grandiose narcissist genuinely believes they are better than everybody else and they are constantly proving this to everyone, whereas the vulnerable narcissist manifests their narcissism in a similar way but it’s to try to hide the fact that deep down they don’t believe they’re anything. They desperately seek approval and need people to tell them they’ve done well, whereas the grandiose narcissist continues believing their skewed perception of reality no matter what truths are presented them.

The grandiose narcissist represents order, is detached, calculating and compulsive. They believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people. What’s more, they are too good for anything average or ordinary. They only want to associate and be associated with other high-status people, places, and things.

The vulnerable narcissist represents chaos, is temperamental, manipulative and impulsive. They feel inadequate or inferior to others deep down inside, and this is the reason why they’re constantly seeking reassurance. A vulnerable narcissist wants to be able to validate themselves so that they can feel protected, and they need that armor of feeling superior to protect them from the past or their insecurities. They are just as convinced that they’re better than others as does the egomaniacal grandiose narcissist, but they fear criticism so viscerally that they shy away from, and even seem panicked by, people and attention.

Vulnerable narcissism is associated with dissociation of the self-image into an explicit, positive self-image and an implicit, negative self-image. The positive self-image is associated with excessive pride, whereas the negative self-image is associated with shame and humiliation. When receiving only positive feedback, this narcissist is able to keep the negative shame-filled self-image hidden below the level of conscious awareness. But when they experience external feedback as criticism, they are forced to confront their negative self-image and feel deeply ashamed.

Whereas the vulnerable narcissist is struggling with internally conflicting self-images, no hidden negative self-representation is threatening to make a dent in the grandiose narcissist’s positive self-image. Negative feedback, therefore, does not have as profound an impact on the grandiose narcissist. But the deep shame this brings upon the vulnerable narcissist turns them into a combustible compound destined to explode in a frightening outburst of anger or all-consuming fit of hatred. This hostile reaction to insinuations of imperfection is also known as “narcissistic rage.”

The two forms of narcissism share several characteristics such as self-centeredness, exaggerated sense of self-importance and entitlement, disagreeableness, and a tendency to interact with others in an antagonistic manner. Most often, narcissists live unaware of their narcissism and react poorly to being told or confronted because they possess no insight and self-awareness, so their ability to recognize that they are a problem is beyond them.

A perfect example of the grandiose narcissist is Emperor Palpatine in the Star Wars franchise.

A perfect example of the vulnerable narcissist is Arthur Fleck in the movie Joker.

A plethora of villain archetypes exist: the smothering mother, the restrictive father, the evil sage, the genius philosopher, the arrogant tyrant, the scorned societal outcast, the mad scientist, the neglected psychopath, the power-hungry warlord, the fanatical hater, the envious trickster, the misunderstood hero, the crazed madman, the manipulative seducer, the entitled brat, the angry bully, the covetous traitor, the unwanted child, the leper beast, the born-evil . . . et cetera, with too many to list and all of them dependent upon their particular Wound which scarred them into who they are.

Typically villains view themselves the heroes, and this skewed point of view provides them plenty of what they believe as justifiable reasons to excuse their evil schemes. They believe it better that ten innocent people suffer than one guilty person escape. To them, the end justifies all necessary means so long as it gets them what they want which, they often believe, is for the betterment of all but for that they are the only one who possesses the honest scope of this true vision.

Villains are a conglomeration of the seven deadly sins (defined as perverse or corrupt versions of love: lust, gluttony, and greed are all excessive or disordered love of good things; wrath, envy, and pride are perverted love directed toward others’ harm; and sloth is the negligent love of self while disregarding what is good and virtuous) and most often proves the personification of one above the others as their dominant character flaw they eventually fully embrace before succumbing to as their downfall.

Usually the Villain gains access to or possession of some hidden or forbidden knowledge via their greed and lust for power to gratify their insatiable gluttony. They envy its promising capability, and their pride convinces them that they alone can harness its potential while staying immune to its corruptive influence. So in their pursuit to obtain it they unleash their wrath upon all those in their way, but in the end their sloth of virtuous character ultimately condemns them to failure and defeat.

Villains embody the proof that power corrupts, and are driven by a fascination turned obsession.

And it should always be clear that the villain will win if the hero does nothing!

-Triumphant Protagonist Hero vs. Tragic Antagonist Villain-

The two classic character plot paths of Hero vs. Villain:

TRIUMPHANT PROTAGONIST HERO

ACT 1

1. Old World Stasis.

2. New World Flux.

ACT 2A

3. Things Come Together.

4. False Victory.

ACT 2B

5. Things Fall Apart.

6. False Defeat.

ACT 3

7. False Solution.

8. True Resolution.

-VS.-

TRAGIC ANTAGONIST VILLAIN

ACT 1

1. Old World Focus.

2. New World Shift.

ACT 2A

3. Things Fall Apart.

4. False Defeat.

ACT 2B

5. Things Come Together.

6. False Victory.

ACT 3

7. False Solution.

8. True Resolution.

The underlying theme of every classic Hero vs. Villain story is always Good vs. Evil. It may be phrased differently and cover many different battle grounds, but it is always the titanic struggle between what is right and just, represented by the good protagonist hero, and what is wrong and unjust, represented by the evil antagonist villain.

When comparing the triumphant protagonist hero and tragic antagonist villain plot charts, take note of the only real difference between them being their Acts 2A & 2B having their orders switched with each other, though there exists other subtleties as follows:

-ACT 1-

1 vs. 1: The difference here between Old World Stasis and Old World Focus is that the antagonist’s evil plans are already in motion . . . whereas the good though ignorant protagonist is living their normal slice of life and absent any true knowledge of these plans that will soon force them involved. The protagonist may be aware of the antagonist’s existence, and that they are ‘up to something bad’ via rumors or gossip, but most typically they know not what that something is if they know anything about it at all, as well the antagonist usually has no idea the protagonist even exists.

2 vs. 2: The difference here between New World Flux and New World Shift is that the antagonist’s plans achieve them some kind of success toward achieving their end goal so that those plans shift with forward focus via continued momentum . . . whereas the protagonist’s life is now disturbed by the Inciting Incident’s influence upon their ordinary world no longer ordinary which is linked to the antagonist’s ongoing plans.

-ACT 2A-

3 vs. 3: The difference here between Things Come Together and Things Fall Apart is that the antagonist’s plans become disturbed by the meddling protagonist now striving to resolve the story’s central conflict, but for now they are just a fly in the ointment needing plucked so that the preoccupied antagonist may take only slight notice from afar and order their minions to deal with the nuisance because they deem themselves above being involved directly . . . for now. As well often someone trusted by though jealous of the protagonist plots their betrayal behind the scenes.

4 vs. 4: The difference here between False Victory and False Defeat is that the antagonist’s plans are disrupted to the point that they must now take full and direct notice of the meddling protagonist mucking them up . . . whereas the protagonist achieves a big success toward resolving the story’s central conflict which interferes with the antagonist’s arrested plans. At this point they both recognize each other as the main obstacle blocking their way to achieving their competing goals, as well that one of them needs be removed in order for the other to succeed. From here on in the protagonist and antagonist are in direct, open opposition. As well the betrayer’s plans in the shadows continue to develop against the protagonist. Most important, a key revelation happens that raises the stakes for all involved while causing a reversal of circumstances, shifting the protagonist from reaction (not in control of the conflict) to proaction (taking control of the conflict).

-ACT 2B-

5 vs. 5: The difference here between Things Fall Apart and Things Come Together is that the antagonist now focuses their full attentions upon eliminating the protagonist so they can continue their plans unhindered . . . whereas the protagonist cannot yet equally compete against such odds and suffers the effects of the antagonist’s direct focus of attacks because of it. And it doesn’t help that they cling to their dominant character flaw by instinctual response which only adds to the troubles that they themselves also have a hand in causing. Minions of the Antagonist, more powerful and better suited to the task than those from before, close in round the struggling protagonist while internal dissension develops among the frustrated protagonist and their arguing allies because of it. As well the betrayer, working in the shadows, continues taking steps to undermine the protagonist’s efforts, adding to the internal strife.

6 vs. 6: The difference here between False Defeat and False Victory is that the antagonist achieves a big success in beating down the protagonist while possibly killing or capturing their allies and stealing or breaking their precious tools so that now they shift their focus back upon what seems their imminent victory . . . whereas the protagonist flounders in this their lowest moment so far where all seems lost because they are farthest away from achieving their goal after such a tremendous defeat, worse off than when they started, and are usually condemned alone because of it. As well the betrayer makes their ulterior motives known and stabs the vulnerable protagonist in the back at the worst moment of opportunity. But this all leads the protagonist to a defining moment of inspirational epiphany where they realize their dominant character flaw has been hindering them the entire journey and only by replacing it with its opposite virtue do they stand a chance of success however insurmountable the odds have become so that they decide on one last, and almost always suicidal, try against the antagonist.

-ACT 3-

7 vs. 7: The difference here between False Solutions is that the antagonist is verging triumph of their evil schemes through its final stages before the actual accomplishment of the victory itself . . . whereas the protagonist, now working against this ‘ticking time-clock’ after exchanging their dominant character flaw for its opposite virtue, has their attentions divided between stopping the antagonist as well rescuing their kidnapped love interest who will most likely die during the accomplishment of the antagonist’s plans if the protagonist fails on both fronts. Here is also where all subplots outside the protagonist are resolved so that the main story can take precedence once more before its resolution. Remaining minions of the antagonist and surviving allies of the protagonist are dispatched or killed.

8 vs. 8: The difference here between True Resolutions is that the antagonist, either moments from achieving their ultimate success or because their plans have been destroyed beyond repair, is willing to sacrifice everything and everyone but himself to obtain victory or revenge at all costs . . . whereas the protagonist is only willing to sacrifice himself while still protecting others. The two forces collide as promised by the Inciting Incident in an epic showdown of Good vs. Evil, but more importantly (and the key ingredient) protagonist virtue vs. antagonist flaw where virtue triumphs. After which the victorious protagonist enjoys the spoils of the antagonist’s defeat or demise while celebrating and reflecting as the changed and wiser person their journey has made of them, the protagonist having surpassed the mentor . . . and possibly to become the new mentor figure to another flawed and untested protagonist in future stories.

-Christopher Vogler’s simplified Hero’s Journey-

1. Ordinary World: The hero protagonist is introduced in their everyday slice-of-life.

2. Call to Adventure: Something happens to shake up the hero’s normal world.

3. Refusal of the Call: The hero often has doubts, and wants to stay in their safe existence.

4. Meeting the Mentor: The hero meets someone who gives them advice that will be useful for the coming challenges.

5. Crossing the Threshold: The hero changes location or burns bridges in a metaphorical sense, meaning they cannot simply return to their old life as if nothing has happened.

6. Tests, Allies, Enemies: The hero faces various challenges upon their road of trials while making new friends and enemies.

7. Approach the Innermost Cave: The hero prepares to battle terrible danger or inner conflict.

8. The Ordeal: The hero must face great demons, which could be internal or external, or both.

9. Reward: The hero receives some kind of reward for facing their demons.

10. Road Back: The hero begins their journey back to everyday life.

11. Resurrection: The hero faces their greatest battle and most dangerous encounter.

12. Return with Elixir: The hero returns home triumphant.

The villain also walks a similar path to the Hero’s Journey, though the biggest difference being that the hero may fall victim to but ultimately rejects temptation during their Road of Trials (#6) whereas the villain succumbs to it thus twisting the remainder of their journey into embracing the ‘dark side’ instead of rallying against and rejecting it. Though this version is usually a part of the antagonist villain’s backstory since their existence in the protagonist hero’s world is that their ‘dark’ power is already established or verging so.

And remember it is equally important to provide the tragic antagonist villain with a Wound (scar), Shield (flaw), and Sword (virtue) while knowing during their Rubicon (Spiritual Crossing), opposite the triumphant protagonist hero’s decision, they choose their flaw magnified over virtue . . . which provides their inevitable downfall.

Because every great hero is defined by an even greater villain.

Great Minds Think Alike . . . or How to Combine Proven Plot Formulas

Lester Dent proposed a plot formula for a 6,000 word story as follows: divide the 6,000 words into four 1,500 word sections.

Part One: hit your hero with a heap of trouble. Part Two: double that trouble. Part Three: put your hero in so much trouble there's no possible way he could ever get out of it. Part Four: get him out of it in a logical though surprising way.

Combining Lester Dent’s proven plotting process with the essential elements of my master plot formula, we get the following for a 6,000 word short story, with each numbered section equaling 300 words:

Part One: hit your hero with a heap of trouble

1. Old World Stasis: The Protagonist’s ordinary world of home, work, and social life where stasis = death. Because if nothing changes then they will continue to live their unfulfilling existence. Here you present the Protagonist’s dominating character flaw needing fixed through the exchange of its opposite virtue that will complete them.

2. Inciting Incident: The Protagonist’s first introduction to the central story conflict through a major problem or big opportunity influencing their world in as permanent a way as possible caused by the Antagonist while also establishing the Protagonist’s desire which is dominated by one of three potential outcomes: Possession of something, Relief from something, or Revenge for something. The Inciting Incident also tests the Protagonist’s character flaw, proving its burden upon them though at this point they don’t acknowledge it yet.

3. New World Flux: The conflicted Protagonist strives for balance in their newly disrupted world as they debate what can and should be done about the major problem or big opportunity of the Inciting Incident while clinging to their character flaw.

4. Pressure to Proceed: But people are lazy and tend to avoid conflict by instinct unless necessary, so the Protagonist attempts to avoid the consequences of the Inciting Incident impacting their influenced life, often trying to ignore it while hoping another character deals with it instead, but pressure surmounts until they have no choice but to face it themselves.

5. Physical Crossing: The Protagonist finally decides to act and usually physically leaves their old world of restrictions behind for the new world of possibilities ahead. The Physical Crossing (its parallel scene the Spiritual Crossing) is the link connecting Act 1 and Act 2, and it is a collapsing bridge of No Return. Once this bridge is crossed, the Protagonist cannot return home again until the story’s main conflict is resolved or else they’ll live an even more miserable stasis = death existence.

Part Two: double that trouble

6. Things Come Together: The fish-out-of-water Protagonist makes new friends and enemies while shedding old flaws (though not their dominant flaw) for new virtues (or its fulfilling opposite virtue) as they progress toward resolving the central story conflict. Several forms of training also commence, testing the developing Protagonist’s new skills and relationships.

7. Pinch Point: The Antagonist flexes their muscles in a minor way (and usually indirectly through a minion) against the Protagonist, having realized something minor disrupting their ‘evil’ plans.

8. Betrayal Set-up: Someone trusted who is jealous of or dislikes the Protagonist schemes their future ruin behind the scenes.

9. False Victory: Working together as a team, the Protagonist and Allies achieve their biggest success yet toward resolving the central story conflict though not the central conflict itself while earning the full attention of the Antagonist and their frustrated minions. At this point it is clear to both Protagonist and Antagonist that the other is the main obstacle standing in their way to success and needs be removed.

10. Midpoint Twist: A stunning revelation and reversal of fortune causes the momentum shift of the Protagonist from reaction to proaction against the Antagonist.

Part Three: put your hero in so much trouble there's no possible way he could ever get out of it.

11. Things Fall Apart: The Protagonist’s team of Allies suffers internal dissension as external enemies close in.

12. Punch Point: The Antagonist flexes their muscles in a major way against the Protagonist.

13. Betrayal Pay-off: The Protagonist is stabbed in the back at the worst moment.

14. False Defeat: Someone dies and/or something precious is taken from the Protagonist during this the Antagonist’s false victory where all seems lost in this the Protagonist’s lowest point thus far.

15. Spiritual Crossing: The depressed Protagonist is struck with the inspirational epiphany to continue one last (and usually suicidal) assault against the Antagonist. The Spiritual Crossing (its parallel scene the Physical Crossing) is the link connecting Act 2 and Act 3. This is another collapsing bridge of No Return, and crossing this bridge makes possible or inevitable the final confrontation between Protagonist and Antagonist as well its resolution of the story’s main conflict.

Part Four: get him out of it in a logical though surprising way.

16. Tool Up: The determined Protagonist gathers the necessary tools for the task ahead while making amends with Allies and inspiring them into rejoining the cause.

17. False Solution: All remaining subplots outside the Protagonist are resolved as the surviving Allies of the Protagonist and the minions of the Antagonist are eliminated.

18. Separation: The Protagonist is separated from all remaining Allies so they can face the Antagonist one-on-one as only the unique Protagonist can.

19. True Resolution: The Protagonist defeats the Antagonist or dies trying.

20. Aftermath: The immediate effects of the Protagonist’s victory or defeat.

If you write a measly 300 words per day it will only take you 20 days to complete your 6,000 word short story.

Or you can use this same magic formula for the perfect blueprint to write an outline to your next novel.

Because Michael Moorcock expanded upon Lester's proven plot formula by applying it to his plethora of 60,000 word novels. He suggested dividing the 60,000 words into four 15,000 word sections then dividing those 15,000 word sections into six 2,500 word chapters each for a total of 24 chapters.

Combining Michael Moorcock’s proven plotting process with the essential elements of my master plot formula, you simply add one extra chapter to each section (somewhere at the end of Act One, somewhere in the middle of Acts 2A & 2B, and somewhere at the beginning of Act 3 for four total new chapters) that is told from the antagonist’s/villain’s point of view (all other chapters are told from the protagonist’s/hero’s point of view) to give you six chapters per section:

Act 1

1. Old World Stasis

2. Inciting Incident

3. New World Flux

4. Pressure to Proceed

5. Physical Crossing

6. Villain’s P.O.V. #1

Act 2A

7. Things Come Together

8. Pinch Point

9. Villain’s P.O.V. #2

10. Betrayal Set-up

11. False Victory

12. Midpoint Twist

Act 2B

13. Things Fall Apart

14. Punch Point

15. Betrayal Pay-off

16. Villain’s P.O.V. #3

17. False Defeat

18. Spiritual Crossing

Act 3

19. Tool Up

20. Villain’s P.O.V. #4

21. False Solution

22. Separation

23. True Resolution

24. Aftermath

*note: the presented order of additional Villain P.O.V. chapters is not an unbreakable commandment, only a suggestion of where they usually occur, so feel free to rearrange them as best according to your particular story.

With each chapter amounting to 2,500 words and writing only half that per day (1,250) it will take you less than 2 months (48 days) to finish the first draft of your 60,000 word novel!

Simple Story . . . or Stop Thinking So Hard!

Us plotters love maximizing details. That’s why we enjoy writing everything down about our characters and stories to the point that it sometimes takes us longer to sort through and organize all of it than it does to actually write the novel itself.

But story is simple really, and consists of three base elements when everything else of lesser value is stripped away:

1. Protagonist

2. Goal

3. Obstacle

And sometimes it’s best to keep things vague so as to allow our brains plenty of creative room to wander through unrestricted wonderment while connecting random people, objects, places and events in unexpected ways without breaking a sweat or steaming our toiling thinker. So take out your best plotting friend, the trusty ol’ pack of index cards, and get ready to make then play your own plotting game I call Simple Story which is made up of three stacks of index cards.

The first stack is the Protagonist pack, which consists of any random occupation (or any basic description of character). Since we’re keeping it vague so as to allow our imaginations freest rein you’ll choose one-word types. For example:

1. firefighter

2. bigfoot

3. plumber

4. scientist

5. cyborg

6. mechanic

7. spy

8. janitor

9. assassin

10. hermit

The second stack is the Goal pack, which consists of any random goal you can imagine. Again, vague, so limit these to three-word types; an action verb, the, and an object or person. For example:

1. save the princess

2. hide the gold

3. find the treasure

4. catch the unicorn

5. steal the blackmail

6. survive the sharknado

7. discover the artifact

8. arrest the murderer

9. deliver the McGuffin

10. protect the family

The third stack is the Obstacle pack, which consists of any random threat you can imagine preventing the Protagonist from achieving their Goal. Remember that vagueness, so we keep it to two- or at most three-word types. For example:

1. zombie apocalypse

2. time-traveling cavemen

3. robot army

4. deserted island

5. giant lizard king

6. vampire Nazis

7. sentient murder vehicles

8. alien invasion

9. haunted mansion

10. intelligent dinosaurs

Now, to play Simple Story you just mix your three stacks of index cards into three separate piles (Protagonist, Goal, and Obstacle) then draw one from each. Try imagining the story by allowing your brain to fiddle and fondle with the information. But don’t think too hard or else you defeat the purpose! So after drawing your three cards, limit yourself to one minute of telling your story.

Here’s just one example:

Protagonist: plumber

Goal: save the princess

Obstacle: giant lizard king

Sound familiar?

Of course it does!

But I’ll extrapolate anyways with a little creative tinkering applied:

“A plucky plumber must save the beautiful princess in a magical mushroom world from the giant lizard king who kidnapped her.”

Bam!

Everyone knows Super Mario Bros!

Simple Story also makes a great game to play with your kids, or a party game with friends. I only included ten examples for each but you can make your stacks as large as you wish. Simple Story is more fun and creative when played in groups because you don’t know what’s written on all the cards until you draw then deal them.

Simple Story is also a fantastic way to teach others or learn yourself how to construct great loglines because the simplest logline is just that: a brief description of the story’s Protagonist, their Goal, and the Obstacle involved.

So gather some friends or family, hand out pens and cards, have everyone write down whatever they can think up, then shuffle and deal. Now go around the table slapping down cards while creating your Simple Story.

But let’s say you do want to complicate things a bit.

Okay, great!

We’ll do so with a little more extrapolation on our three parts of Simple Story.

1. For the Protagonist: discover their Wound, Shield, and Sword.

2. For the Goal: discover the Possession of, Relief from, or Revenge for it.

3. And for the Obstacle: discover its Motive and Opportunity for happening.

This easy three step extrapolation will help you further flesh out your Simple Story into the most basic logline. Let’s use our Super Mario Bros. example as  . . . well, as another example, and with a bit of ingenuity applied.

1. Protagonist: plumber (Wound: returning to the Mushroom Kingdom from the real world for a hot date, our horny Italian plumber Mario discovers his true love Princess Peach was kidnapped during his absence; Shield: Mario is determined but cowardly because of all the new enemies roaming the Mushroom Kingdom seeking to thwart him courtesy of Bowser ushering them forth from his realm; Sword: Mario needs to embrace his courage to defeat the gauntlet of enemies in his way and eventually rescue Princess Peach from the giant lizard king who kidnapped her).

2. Goal: save the princess (Possession of: Mario needs to regain possession of the kidnapped Princess Peach while saving her from the evil clutches of Bowser before the giant lizard king forces her into a marriage that will fully merge their realms and make of Bowser the Mushroom Kingdom’s dictator).

3. Obstacle: giant lizard king (Motive: Bowser kidnaps Princess Peach to force her into marriage so their two realms can merge and he can take over ruling the Mushroom Kingdom; Opportunity: Princess Peach is alone and unprotected during Mario’s absence in the real world).

So what’s the simple one-liner logline of this all?

“Cowardly plumber Mario must embrace his courage and save the kidnapped Princess Peach or else Bowser will force her into a marriage that will merge their realms and make of him the Mushroom Kingdom’s dictator.”

See how easy it is to extrapolate our Simple Story with a little creative tinkering?

Now go make your own deck of cards and have some fun!

Lake Plotsalot . . . or the Ten-Sentence Pantser Plot Outline

Writers exist on a broad spectrum.

At one end are Pantsers, those who write by the seat of their pants and never plan ahead because they enjoy the wonder of the journey over its final destination. At the other end are Plotters, those who plan everything out in meticulous detail before writing it all down because they look forward to the journey’s satisfying end the most.

Most writers exist somewhere in the middle of this spectrum as some combination of both, and here we’re going to focus on Pantsers who wish to dip their curious toes into Lake Plotsalot but have no intention of diving in for the wonderful swim.

The most basic plot is simple, really.

Act 1: Introduce the story’s central conflict.

Act 2A: Develop the story’s central conflict.

Midpoint: Complicate the story’s central conflict.

Act 2B: Intensify the story’s central conflict.

Act 3: Resolve the story’s central conflict.

And so is the most common subplot that is typically the Love Story.

Act 1: Boy meets Girl.

Act 2A: Boy gets Girl.

Midpoint: Boy and Girl have sex.

Act 2B: Boy loses Girl.

Act 3: Boy gets Girl back.

If you’re a Pantser who wishes only to plot by the slightest margin then those two plots interwoven are all you really need. But how do you utilize them? Write one concise sentence describing each plot point, interweave them as according to their Acts, and voila you have just plotted the most basic outline imaginable.

And if you’re unsure what story you want to write? Then here’s an old and proven standby, the Classic Quest Plot: an object to obtain and limited time to obtain it.

Don’t like that one? Then toss it aside for another method of discovering your story because every protagonist seeks one of three things:

1. Possession of something.

2. Relief from something.

3. Revenge for something.

There you have it, Pantsers, the most basic of everything you need to write your next great novel courtesy of plot.

Happy writing!

Babypuncher . . . or Why your novel's Title needs impact

The entire point of a novel’s title and cover is to do one thing: elicit as much of a reaction and response as possible from a potential reader. Period.

Perfect example: I chose the title of my book ‘Punching Babies: a how-to guide’ for this specific reason. It’s sold tons of copies over the years because people read the title and most of them laugh with curiosity while others get furious or disgusted.

I’ve actually received death threats over that title, as well have received many negative reviews from people who have never even read the book while telling me I should be ashamed of myself for ever insinuating someone to punch a poor, defenseless, adorable, sweet little baby.

Ironically, on its back cover and on its second page is the logline of the book: how to make writing your novel as easy as punching babies!

I even explain in the book why I titled it so, and nowhere in the book do I ever suggest literally punching a baby.

Punching Babies is an obvious twist on the age-old line, ‘Like stealing candy from a baby’, or translation: something very easily accomplished. But that phrase didn’t contain enough impact for me, and I also have a dark sense of humor. So I thought, What’s easier than punching a baby that can’t possibly fight you back? Ah-ha! And my book teaches the aspiring author how to write their novel in just as easy a way . . . though more specifically how to plot it with the greatest of ease (*I’ve since published two more books on this subject, Pen the Sword and On Writing Well, all three of which I recommend to every aspiring author looking to improve their writing craft, especially so their plotting technique).

The first thing a potential reader notices is your book’s cover. Then its title. Then they turn it over and read its back cover blurb. If they’re still curious they may flip through it and read a few passages before deciding to invest their money and time buying and reading it.

So you want your book’s cover and title to have impact.

Stop worrying about offending people because . . . who cares?

If the great tragedy of someone’s life is that they are offended by an author’s book cover and title then I envy them. Though I pity those who actually take the time not to read the book but instead rush to log on to Amazon or another website and proceed to waste their time giving my book a negative review all based upon their pwecious wittle feewings being offended by the title.

It also amuses me they don’t realize that I don’t care.

I have novels to write.

Because losers focus on winners, winners focus on winning.

That’s why I’m continuously publishing novels as an award-winning and best-selling author while they’re sitting at home and wasting their time complaining online about the title of a book they’ve never even read.

As well they’ve forgotten the old adage: “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

Here are two negative reviews of Punching Babies taken from Amazon as example:

1 star review by ‘Offended’: Title is Offensive!

Reviewed in the United States on February 10, 2021

“The title of this book is offensive and needs to be removed from Amazon. I can’t shop here knowing that you encourage this kind of talk!”

*note: not only is this person an unverified purchaser (which means they never bought and so most likely also never read my book), but apparently they specifically made their Amazon account, ‘Offended’, just to give my book this negative review).

1 star review by ‘Compulsive Reader’: Desperate for attention

Reviewed in the United States on September 20, 2015

“Man, what is your problem? Was this title really necessary? Are you that desperate for attention?”

*note: also an unverified purchaser of my book, though at least ‘Compulsive Reader’ posted their review from a real account.

Now here are two positive reviews by actual purchasers and readers of my book:

5 star review by ‘Graeme Kent’: A 100 Page Encyclopedia for all Writers.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 13, 2019

Verified Purchase

“This is a gem of a book for writers at all stages of their development. I would not have believed that so much practical information could be encapsulated in so little space. This is easily the best writers’ guide I have ever read. Buy this book and use it as your essential guide to a novel writing career.”

5 star review by ‘Lee Man’: My new bible!

Reviewed in the United States on April 7, 2019

Verified Purchase

“This book takes all the books I’ve ever learned from and combines them into an easy, concise doctrine with examples from a well known movie. I love how he took elements from the snowflake method, Save the Cat, Dwight Swain’s motivation/reaction units, Joseph Campbell’s Hero Journey and much more and united it with concrete examples from the movie The Matrix. Very well done!”

It warms my writerly heart that both Graeme Kent and Lee Man not only enjoyed my book but that they learned something valuable from it which may help improve their own writing . . . unlike Compulsive Reader and ‘Offended’ who are probably still toiling away upon unfinished drafts of unpublished novels.

Graeme Kent and Lee Man understand not to throw the baby out with the bathwater and I wish them both much success in their writing careers, whereas and ironically Compulsive Reader and ‘Offended’ let the baby swallow down the drain because they couldn’t look past an innocuous book title and so let their oversensitive emotions get the best of them.

I hate to break it to the latter two but if you are so easily offended then pursuing a writing career (a field in which everyone judges your work) is definitely not for you, and I don’t want to be around for the childish outburst when someone is kind enough to critique any of your writing . . . if, that is, you ever finish it while being so busy cutting your own nose off to spite your face.

Sadly we now suffer an entire generation of these easily offended people who were coddled by their enabler parents and raised into blue- or pink-haired Social Justice Whiners that pout because of micro-aggressions which don’t exist and cry whenever anyone looks at them wrong. They run around screaming false accusations of Racist! and Racism! at anyone who dares hold a different opinion than theirs, regardless the subject, in the desperate hopes of canceling them without realizing they are psychologically deflecting from their own racist tendencies on a subconscious level.

News flash: if you see racism everywhere it’s because you are the racist!

The legendary Dee Snider did a wonderful job of pointing out this psychological proof during his 1984 senate hearing when he was brought before congress to explain the ‘offensive and explicit’ music of his rock band Twisted Sister. Al and Tipper Gore claimed to hear horrible and offensive things such as sadomasochism and bondage in Dee’s songs, to which Dee intelligently pointed out that art is subjective and they have those awful thoughts because that’s what they want to hear.

The ensuing torrid roar of silence after Dee’s rebuttal is priceless.

I suggest every writer fondle into Google’s naughty little search engine “How Twisted Sister Outclassed Congress” then watch the short video for a great time and a little lesson on why some people will project their darkest thoughts onto your art regardless no connection involved but for their own private perversions they keep closeted away while blaming your art as the conduit excuse.

Our current Cancel Culture is a plague of bratty children pretending to be adults. They live with their parents into their 30’s and embrace Socialism because they want the government to take care of them after their parents die or finally get tired and kick them out of the basement.

You know what I say?

Screw ‘em.

And so should you when considering the cover and title of your next book.

Make sure they possess impact, because impact is what gains your book attention and potential readers.

You can’t please all of the people all of the time so don’t bother trying. In fact, sometimes it’s fun to go in the opposite direction and feed those Cancel Culture trolls, because they provide you something valuable: free P.R. for your novel with every complaint they make!

Happy writing!