8 Red Flags of Writing . . . or How Not to be a Failed Writer

1. Not reading and writing every single day: Do you want to know the ‘secret formula’ to becoming a good writer? Read and write for hours every single day for years. That's it. There’s no magic pill to swallow or special product to buy. It just requires two things most people aren't willing to apply: hard work and dedication. It may take you one year or twenty years or anywhere in between, but if you read and write for hours every single day then you will go from a bad writer to a good writer and, if you persist for long enough, eventually a great writer. It really is a simple as that, and don’t let anyone (especially yourself) convince you otherwise.

2. Not having a daily minimum word count: How do you know if you are a lazy writer who isn't taking your writing seriously? 1. if you get less than 1,000 words per day, and 2. if it takes you longer than 3 months to finish your first draft.

The average person types 40 words per minute. That's 2,400 words per hour. Now obviously you're not going to write nonstop like this all of the time, so we'll shrink it down to less than half of that at a bare minimum of 1,000 words per day—not per hour but per day because why not choose the slow and steady tortoise vs. hare route? So we'll go with getting 1,000 words per day written. That's 90,000 words in 3 months for your first draft.

Publishers have long since discovered that the preferred length of the average novel a reader is willing to invest their time and money in is 80,000 words (this of course varies by genre, as well when writing YA or adult fiction) which is why most publishers’ submission guidelines hover somewhere around this 80,000 word mark. And if you spend 3 months banging out that measly 1,000 words per day minimum for a 90,000 word first draft then you're golden like Ponyboy. Now you just need to polish it through revising, rewriting and editing—which you should also set as another 3 months as your goal for a total of 6 months from scratch to finish if you are a serious writer craving authorship. Anything less and you’re just being too lazy to function.

3. Editing while writing: You know who you are. You spend 10 minutes writing then 20 minutes editing what you just wrote, rinse and repeat, all while trying to make everything perfect the first go-around and after several hours you end up having only a couple of pages written at most.

The #1 rule to writing productivity is: write first, edit last.

Stop spinning your wheels by editing while you write because it only slows you down as well you will have to edit your novel again anyways—several times, in fact. Accept that your first draft is not going to be perfect (actually, convincing yourself that it’s going to be nothing more than a steaming pile of crap when you finish it helps relieve you from all the pressure of trying to make it perfect) and this will relax your mind which does creative wonders for your writing.

4. Procrastinating out the wazoo: Do you know what you’re doing by spending months or even years writing all of that backstory and world-building and charting family trees for every character and blah blah blah? You are convincing yourself that you’re writing when you are not actually writing. In other words you are procrastinating. Stop. First, most of that stuff isn’t even going to be in your finished novel but for brief references. Secondly, your job is to get us to care about your characters as soon as possible by establishing empathy and relatability, and until then we won’t care about the long and rich tapestry you’ve woven as their backstory. Sorry to break the news to you but that’s the truth. When you hit your readers from page one with block after block of boring backstory they will skip ahead if not close your book and pick a new one to read. Remember, if your backstory is so damn important then it wouldn't be backstory, it would be the story.

5. Using NaNoWriMo as your only excuse for writing: If you take your writing seriously then every month to you should be NaNoWriMo. I know so many unsuccessful writers who are lazy all year long and only write sporadically then get excited come October that they are going to write every single day when November starts. News flash: there’s nothing special about November! Again, if you take your writing seriously then every month to you should be NaNoWriMo.

An easy solution for those of you full of ‘too busy’ excuses: go to sleep half an hour later and wake up half an hour earlier. This gives you one hour of writing per day.

6. Planning too far ahead: I get it; you love reading series or trilogies and you want to write one right off the bat as your first go-around but you’ve never written or published anything before. I applaud your enthusiasm, I really do, but you’re putting the cart miles ahead of the horse.

A fun fact I adore about writing is that things will change while writing. All of those wonderful books you’ve spent weeks or months or even years outlining ahead of the first one you haven’t even finished yet can suddenly become null and void because a completely unexpected though undeniably superior scene pops into your head while writing or revising the first draft of the first novel in your planned series and demands you insert it for sake of story improvement, thus changing your story from that point forward in drastically unplanned ways because of that delightful moment of wonderful epiphany. This is why I always refer to plot outlines as starting blueprints only; they are not meant to be paint-by-numbers restrictions but a map of possibilities.

Planning too far ahead also leads you down the dark path of leaving things out (events, scenes, situations, characters, whatnot) from your first novel because you want to save them for future novels as yet unwritten while not understanding that you might be hurting your first novel in so doing.

Also, it is much harder to plot out a trilogy than a standalone novel.

I love using the most famous trilogy as example: The Lord of the Rings!

The midpoint of the Fellowship story by itself is the Council of Elrond when Frodo interrupts all of the arguing with his declaration that he will take the One Ring to Mordor . . . though he does not know the way. But for the overall trilogy, the Council of Elrond is not the midpoint but the Act 1 Key Event.

See the problem?

If you do not have a firm grasp on plot, then trying to map out an entire trilogy as well each of its individual books will lead only to confusion because the plot points won’t match up so they’ll get all jumbled in your head.

Even established authors have a hard time writing trilogies—let alone an entire series of novels—because of this, which is why most of them don’t bother.

That's why it is well-advised, at least for your first several novels, to plan them as standalones.

It’s also much harder to get potential readers interested in reading the first book in a series for several reasons. The series isn’t finished yet, and lots of readers prefer to wait until it’s completed before investing their time and money into it. Readers also have to worry about the series never being finished due to the author getting distracted by other projects (here’s looking at you George R. R. Martin) or even the author’s untimely demise because they’re old and accidents both natural and unnatural can happen (Robert Jordan, author of The Wheel of Time fantasy series, is a perfect example, though thankfully Brandon Sanderson swooped in to save the day while writing a great finish to the beloved series after Jordan’s death). As well the reader must worry that they might invest years in reading your unfinished series only to discover halfway through that they hate what you’ve done with the characters and/or story so that they don’t want to continue reading it anymore and now feel they’ve wasted all that time and money on a series they’ll never finish. Also, there exists the very real possibility that you write a mediocre first book and readers just won’t want to continue reading despite all that you’ve planned ahead for them to enjoy.

Focus on one novel at a time and make it the best you possibly can, at least until you get some experience under your belt. Only then should you try tackling writing a trilogy or a series.

7. Not planning ahead at all: Every writer starts out as a pantser so I get it, you mainstay pantsers enjoy not knowing what will happen in your stories until you write it. But there’s two problems with that: 1. failing to plan is planning to fail, and 2. specific plot points are necessary because other plot points demand it.

Picture yourself a comedian, with the Act 3 Climax the punch-line and everything in your story leading up to it the set-up of your new joke.

You tell someone the set-up then hit them with the appropriate punch-line and they get your joke while laughing. Because the punch-line matches the set-up. That is a well-plotted story.

Now take the set-up from one joke and the punch-line from a completely unrelated joke then combine them. When you tell your joke and no one laughs it’s not because they don’t understand your ‘artistic vision’, it’s because the punch-line doesn’t match the set-up so the joke isn’t funny a.k.a. the story makes no sense.

Never blame the reader for your bad story; they didn’t write it, you did.

Imagine Star Wars: A New Hope as the same story we know all the way up to Luke seconds away from blowing up the Death Star. That’s the set-up to your story joke, and because of it you already know the appropriate punch-line is Luke using the Force to make the otherwise impossible shot that blows up the Death Star.

Now imagine the same set-up but with a different punch-line: just before Luke can make the impossible shot, Darth Vader bumps Luke’s X-wing aside and blows up the Death Star instead.

You cannot have a triumphant protagonist set-up paired with a tragic protagonist punch-line (or vice versa) because that story makes no sense a.k.a. the joke isn’t funny because the punch-line doesn’t match the set-up.

8. Not leaving enough room for the reader’s imagination: Stop over-describing everything and everyone and leave plenty of room for the reader’s active imagination to fill in the blanks. This helps personalize your story to that particular reader because we all possess different imaginations drawing from different life experiences.

If I say my protagonist hopped into his ’98 Buick and drove away, one of you might imagine it as a faded-red jalopy babe-repellent sputtering along the road because that’s what you used to drive, while another of you might imagine it as a finely-tuned glossy-black sex-machine that hits zero to sixty in less than 5, or anywhere in between.

Obviously you want to describe all the essentials of your story, but make sure to leave plenty of blanks for the reader’s own imagination to fill in too.

It’s okay to give a simplified description of a character having long blonde hair or sharp blue eyes and leave it at that because the reader’s mind will automatically fill in the blanks while detailing the accompanying features with people they know, and often of themselves if they relate to or empathize with or admire the character enough . . . which is what you truly want to happen for them so they can feel as if experiencing your story firsthand even if only in their active imagination.

Never forget: the true joy of all stories is escapism.

The better the writer, the easier the reader’s suspension of disbelief.

The Motivation-Reaction Unit . . . or How to apply Sequential Behavior to your Characters

“Brr! It’s getting cold.”

Jeff shivered involuntarily.

A chilling wind blew in through the open window.

He hugged himself.

What’s wrong with this little piece of writing?

It’s all out of order, that’s what!

Because it doesn’t follow the natural process of normal human reaction that is cause and effect.

Here, let’s try that again:

A chilling wind blew in through the open window.

Jeff shivered involuntarily.

He hugged himself.

“Brr! It’s getting cold.”

Flows much better, am I right?

Because it presents the sequential process of action and reaction.

Or . . . feeling, action, speech.

When you experience a motivating stimulus you don’t decide to feel a particular way—you just do, because you have no control over your feelings, which is why love at first sight can be so stunning, or sudden fright so alarming, or indignant anger so abruptly intense . . . et cetera.

Action, though often instinctive, is controlled at least to a certain small degree.

And speech requires conscious thought, however minimal.

This is why the most natural succession of the three is feeling then action then speech. Any other order and something just feels . . . off. Wrong. Unnatural.

Case in point: you walk into a dark room, you flip on the light switch, and the room brightens.

The dark room doesn’t brighten before you can flip the light switch on, or before you can even walk inside of it to do so.

Another case in point: you aim a loaded gun, pull the trigger, and the gun fires.

It makes no logical sense if you pull the trigger then aim the loaded gun and then the gun fires.

Same with feeling, action and speech which makes up natural character reaction.

And that natural character reaction is the response to a motivating stimulus.

Motivating Stimulus = anything outside your focal character to which they react.

Character Reaction = anything your focal character does in consequence to the motivating stimuli that impinge upon them.

Put the two together and you have the Motivation-Reaction Unit.

Motivating Stimulus: A chilling wind blew in through the open window.

Character Reaction: (feeling) Jeff shivered involuntarily. (action) He hugged himself. (speech) “Brr! It’s getting cold.”

Now, can we tinker with it a bit?

Of course!

That’s one of the wonderful perks of being a creative writer.

Try combining them like so:

Jeff shivered involuntarily as a chilling wind blew in through the open window so that he hugged himself. “Brr! It’s getting cold.”

Or like so:

A chilling wind blew in through the open window.

Jeff shivered while hugging himself. “Brr! It’s getting cold.”

Or even splicing them like so:

“Brr!” Jeff said, shivering involuntarily while hugging himself as a chilling wind blew in through the open window. “It’s getting cold.”

But what you don’t want to do is this:

(speech) “Brr! It’s getting cold.”

(feeling) Jeff shivered involuntarily.

(motivating stimulus) A chilling wind blew in through the open window.

(action) He hugged himself.

When your focal character reacts in an unnatural way, something about it comes across as odd and out of place. At times we can’t put our finger on the precise reason why, but somewhere in our subconscious brain that burrowed worm of peculiar detection is wriggling while letting us know that this is not good writing because it doesn’t possess a sequential flow of cause and effect.

Which is where the two-part Motivation-Reaction Unit comes in:

1. Motivating Stimulus (instigates the)

2. Character Reaction (of)

a. feeling (then)

b. action (then)

c. speech

Let’s try again.

Motivating Stimulus: Suzie, the hottest girl in school, and still wearing her sexy cheerleader outfit after the pep rally, walked up to Jeff and asked, “Hey, can I borrow your lab notes for tomorrow’s exam?”

Character Reaction: (feeling) A tickling warmth possessing more than a smidge of carnal arousal flushed through him, blushing his cheeks a hot scarlet. (action) He smiled. (speech) “Sure.”

And remember, it is not required to have all of the reactionary parts, only that they occur in their natural order if they so exist.

Motivating Stimulus: A deer burst from the shadowed bushes and raced across the road.

Character Reaction: (feeling) Jeff startled tensed. (action) He hammered on the brakes while jerking the steering wheel sideways. (speech) “Oh crap!”

Can become . . .

Motivating Stimulus: A deer burst from the shadowed bushes and raced across the road.

Character Reaction: (feeling: unstated). (action) Jeff hammered on the brakes while jerking the steering wheel sideways. (speech: unstated)

It all depends on you the writer and how you wish to present the particular scene.

Just don’t forget that it makes no sense when you rearrange things out from their natural order:

Jeff hammered on the brakes while jerking the steering wheel sideways.

A deer burst from the shadowed bushes and raced across the road.

“Oh crap!”

He startled tensed.

Because a motivating stimulus leads to feeling then action then speech.

Anglo-Saxon vs. Latinate Voice . . . or How to Write with Style!

Anglo-Saxon words derive from the languages spoken by Germanic settlers arriving in England from the fifth century. Latinate words derive from the British Isles’ interactions with the Roman Empire and later medieval France.

Modern English is a mercurial mix of the two, breaking down to 60% Latinate and 25% Anglo-Saxon, with the rest being a mix of several other global influences.

So, what’s the real bloody difference when it comes to writing?

Voice, tone, and readability.

Anglo-Saxon words are short and straightforward, for example: think, pick, help, eat and drink. They have hard sounds like CK or the hard “g” and are also more concrete, which makes them easier to picture.

Latinate words are multisyllabic and cerebral, for example: imagine, select, assist, consume and imbibe. They are softer, flowery, and more musical.

Latinate words are often more nuanced and precise, and usually sound posher and more proper, while writing with Anglo-Saxon words is more direct.

If you need help differentiating the two, remember “short for Saxon, long for Latin.”

There was a period in English history when the language of the upper class was significantly influenced by the French, thereby Latin, language. While the lower class spoke Old English, which has primarily German influences.

Words of Latinate origin were the language of aristocrats and intellectuals, which come off as scholarly and sophisticated. Words of Anglo-Saxon origin were the language of the ‘common folk’, which come off as simple and blunt.

The distinction matters in various parts of your writing because it defines the tone and readability of your scenes. Action scenes are often better served with Anglo-Saxon words to afford them a sense of urgency and to provide a faster flow of reading. Exposition scenes are often better served with Latinate words to afford them a slower sense of nuance and to provide a more poetic flow of reading. 

It all comes down to description, really.

This also applies to dialogue in various ways.

Take the fantasy genre, for example. There’s a big difference in the way a well-educated noble speaks compared to an uneducated peasant farmer:

Noble: “I shall frequent the establishment a final time and imbibe in excess before taking my departure and retiring to my residence.”

vs.

Peasant: “I’m going to stop by the tavern and get drunk before going home and sleeping it off.”

or

Noble: “I’m well exhausted and exceedingly famished after spending the day laboring.”

vs.

Peasant: “I’m very tired and hungry after working all day.”

If you have your poor, unschooled peasant speak like a rich, well-educated noble (or vice versa) without a logical explanation as to why then you remove the believability of the personalities you intend them to represent.

Knowing this distinction also provides you plenty of options, because you can apply various subtleties to your characters by having your rough-and-tumble streetwise cop fighting a robber into handcuffs during one scene then the next you hint at his finer education at Harvard before he decided to drop out of college and take up the badge by showing him wearing a tuxedo and rubbing elbows with highbrows at a snooty wine-tasting extravaganza while he’s secretly scoping out a potential perpetrator. Or maybe the straight-laced CEO businesswoman, when relaxing with her closest friends, enjoys getting drunk and gambling while swearing like a sailor, which hints at her rather crude upbringing before her advancement into a more sophisticated path of life.

A great example of this is the 2009 film Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey Jr. One moment the eccentric detective is brilliantly deducing clues while deliberating with Dr. Watson then the next he’s bare-knuckle boxing while utilizing his superior intellect and martial skills to impressive effect against his physically intimidating opponent.

These distinctions add interesting depth to your characters, helping present them as three-dimensional persons of interest instead of flat and boring stereotypes, limited only by how you choose to apply them, as well influencing the tone and flow of your writing.

A quick list of examples of Anglo-Saxon vs. Latinate words include:

angry vs. furious

ask vs. inquire

baby vs. infant

begin vs. commence

belief vs. credence

belly vs. abdomen

burn vs. incinerate

cold vs. frigid

come vs. arrive

cry vs. lament

drink vs. imbibe

eat vs. consume

end vs. terminate

friendly vs. amicable

give vs. provide

go vs. depart

god vs. deity

green vs. verdant

ground vs. terrain

hate vs. detest

height vs. altitude

help vs. assist

horse vs. equestrian

job vs. profession

know vs. recognize

length vs. longitude

light vs. illumination

loving vs. amorous

match vs. correspond

mean vs. intend

meet vs. encounter

mistaken vs. erroneous

nightly vs. nocturnal

old vs. ancient

pick vs. select

put out vs. extinguish

rot vs. putrefy

shy vs. timid

sight vs. vision

smart vs. intelligent

stop vs. arrest

teach vs. educate

tired vs. exhausted

understand vs. comprehend

wage vs. salary

watchful vs. vigilant

whole vs. entire

width vs. latitude

wise vs. prudent

wish vs. desire

work vs. labor

youth vs. adolescence

Stephen King is the perfect example of a writer who relies heavily on the Anglo-Saxon voice while sprinkling in just enough granules of the Latinate throughout his novels to add vernacular spice to his stories. Because King’s writing comes off as conversational in that it almost feels as if he’s sitting there beside you and telling you the story while you’re reading it. He doesn’t use a profusion of complex words you have to pause and look up to define, or employ lengthy strings of purple prose in the hopes of impressing you with his extensive vocabulary we already know he possesses. Instead he keeps things elementary, and for that his books are beloved by millions of readers the world over and by people from every background imaginable.

Here’s a parting tip to keeping your sentences short and to the point like King when writing in Anglo-Saxon voice: if you are tempted to write the word ‘and’ or ‘but’ in the middle of a sentence, consider if it might not be better to close the sentence and start another.

*For further consideration on what is known as 'Anglish' please visit this link: ANGLISH

These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty . . . or the Easy Peasy Half-Hour Comedy Sitcom Plot Formula

Ever wanted to write a half-hour sitcom? Or just curious as to how their episodes are plotted out? Then let’s take a look at the easy peasy half-hour comedy sitcom plot formula, derived from pretty much every successful comedy sitcom ever.

The formula consists of five parts:

1. the Intro (first 3 minutes)

2. the Trouble (next 5 minutes)

3. the Muddle (next 5 minutes)

4. the Outcome (next 5 minutes)

5. the Outro (last 3 minutes)

*These numbers are not exact, mind, but averages, because some half-hour sitcoms might be 22 or 24 minutes long instead of 21, as well remember that the average half-hour sitcom has two or three commercial breaks depending on the amount of acts involved (either two or three). Most half-hour sitcoms are around 22 minutes long, with the remaining time devoted to commercials. The length of a commercial break varies by broadcaster, but is usually around two or three minutes. The average length of a TV commercial is between 15 and 60 seconds. Most commercial breaks last between two and three minutes with between four and six 30 second commercials.

1. The Intro (minutes 1-3): A short, introductory sketch that runs before the opening credits proving little more than the three-step combo of a single joke: set-up, delivery and reaction. Its purpose is to introduce the protagonist (especially to new viewers of the show) while presenting some aspect of their unique personality. This single opening scene serves as a quick joke to get the comedy ball rolling, and it can introduce the main obstacle to be overcome in the episode or have nothing at all to do with it—either way works.

2. The Trouble (minutes 3-8): The protagonist is right where we left them from the last episode, but of course a new problem or goal has arisen which forms the main plot of the A-Story. A plan is required to achieve the goal or resolve the problem needing overcome. Typically around minute 6 a subplot is introduced which features one of the minor characters as a sort of secondary protagonist in their own right, a co-tagonist; though not always necessary, this B-Story subplot can somehow link to the ultimate conclusion of the main plot.

3. The Muddle (minutes 8-13): The plan devised a few minutes ago to tackle the main plot is put into action, but it can’t work or else the episode would be over. There must be another obstacle, an unforeseen complication which requires an alternative plan or some amusing delay to the success of the initial strategy. With subplots in play, minutes 8-9 establish where we left off with the A-Story. Minutes 9-12 provide the middle muddle of the B-Story, in which the co-tagonist overcomes a minor obstacle toward their goal, then minutes 12-13 return to the A-Story and we see the main plan diverted.

4. The Outcome (minutes 13-18): The stakes are raised high for the desperate protagonist because they’ve already tried once and failed, so they initiate a last resort plan of action and it either works or it doesn’t. Minutes 13-15 reestablish the action of the A-Story, then pauses before the payoff of whether or not the backup plan will work. Minutes 15-17 conclude the B-Story, where the co-tagonist either succeeds or fails to accomplish their goal, and this outcome may or may not influence the outcome of the A-Story. Minutes 17-18 then show whether the protagonist succeeds or fails in the A-Story.

5. The Outro (minutes 19-21): Similar to the Intro segment before the opening credits, there is usually an Outro (sometimes while the closing credits roll), which shows the protagonist in the aftermath of that episode’s action. Nothing much has really changed, and life returns to where it started for the next episode. It usually finishes with a punchline at the end that harkens back to an earlier joke in the episode.

With half-hour-long television series episodes, you break down the story into three acts between the Intro and Outro, like thus:

Intro

Act 1

Act 2

Act 3

Outro

Intro: Is a brief scene that opens the episode with a stand-alone comical moment which may or may not also introduce the main plot point of the episode. You’ll recognize a TV episode’s Intro by the scene that appears before the opening credits.

Act 1: Is where the conflict of the A-Story the protagonist will be facing throughout the episode is introduced. You can also introduce the B-Story subplot if one exists (and sometimes even a C-Story subplot as well).

Act 2: Is where a series of complications, additional conflicts and obstacles stand in the way of the protagonist and their goals. They fail time and time again (failure is frequent and fine in comedy sitcoms because it’s humorous instead of frustrating, and we the audience don’t really want them to change), while the episode shifts focus back and forth between A-Story and B-Story (if it has any subplots to do so).

Act 3: Is the resolution of the conflict(s). The protagonist has learned from their failures and struggles in Act 2 and must now use that knowledge to overcome or hilariously succumb to the conflicts.

*note that some sitcoms employ only two acts: if the sitcom is of only two acts instead of three then the set-up of Act 1 and the rising action of Act 2 are blended into the bulk of the episode as a single act before the conclusion/resolution.

Outro: Is the scene at the end, included after the episode’s story has played out where one last gag or character moment is offered.

One Simple Question . . . or How to Plot your Novel in Seconds

I'll keep this short and sweet to stay in line with the theme of this post.

How to plot your novel in seconds depends on the Yes or No answer to the following question you should always start with before you even begin to outline: Does your protagonist eventually overcome, or surrender to, their dominant character flaw?

If yes (overcome), they are a triumphant protagonist with a false victory midpoint, a true victory climax, and a false defeat anchor point (all is lost) in between.

If no (surrender to), they are a tragic protagonist with a false defeat midpoint, a true defeat climax, and a false victory anchor point (all is joy) in between.

ERGO: end of Act 2A Midpoint --> end of Act 2B Anchor Point --> end of Act 3 Climax.

And what's so great about this is that your antagonist's plot points are the opposite of your protagonist's, meaning if you have a triumphant protagonist then you automatically have a tragic antagonist, and vice versa.

With this one simple question answered you've just mapped out the three most major key events of your story for both protagonist and antagonist, and all it took you was a few measly seconds to answer one simple question: Does your protagonist eventually overcome, or surrender to, their dominant character flaw?

The Easy Peasy Conflict Formula . . . or why Good + Bad x Worse = Great fiction!

I usually hate metaphors (especially when it comes to writing ‘advice’), but this one does possess a spot of magical wisdom as it pertains to creating great fiction: force your protagonist up a tree . . . then throw rocks at them until they fall.

When it comes to story, technically there exists nine acts (Act 1’s 1st & 2nd halves, Act 2A’s 1st & 2nd halves, the Midpoint, Act 2B’s 1st & 2nd halves, and Act 3’s 1st & 2nd halves) but let’s keep things simple and leave it to the base three acts of Beginning, Middle, and End. Or Problem, Complications, and Resolution. Or Act 1, Act 2, and Act 3.

I like to describe the three basic acts as follows:

Act 1 = Engage a major problem.

Act 2 = Mistakes exist as opportunities for learning.

Act 3 = Experience is the best teacher.

Because Act 1 represents the set-up of everything and everyone in your story while introducing its central conflict. Act 2 represents all the trials and tribulations the protagonist endures and overcomes while attempting to resolve the story’s central conflict. And Act 3 represents the protagonist applying everything they’ve learned through the adversity of your story then proving it against the antagonist to either a triumphant-positive (most common) or tragic-negative (least common) outcome.

But that’s the big basic picture of the story whole, and here we’re going to focus on the smaller puzzle pieces of its scenes and how they fit together.

After you finish crafting your latest glorious scene of minor protagonist triumph, you relax and bask in the awing genius that is wonderful you . . . only to ponder the inevitable as to that perfect scene you just wove upon the page by asking yourself, “Okay, so what happens next?”

Stumped?

Just apply the proven formula standby that one ‘good’ scene deserves two ‘bad’ scenes and you’ll never ponder for long. Though how much good and how little bad is up to you.

Devastate your happy characters, or just prickle their fouling turn of moods. Though understand this: a scene should be either a step toward or shove away from your protagonist resolving the story’s central conflict. Because just as with your overall story, every scene in it should involve a point of view character, a goal, and an obstacle preventing said character from achieving their current goal; ergo: conflict. The scene is over when it is determined that the point of view character either succeeds or fails, causing change to their previous status when before the scene began whether positive or negative.

The first necessary part is already provided via the good scene. Excellent. Next you chase it with two specific and important questions:

1. How can I make it bad?

Then . . .

2. How can I make it even worse?

The ‘good’ scene rewards your characters with success of some sort, however extraordinary or mundane, a positive step in the right direction: a new revelation of key information discovered; the harbored tensions between two arguing allies at last or temporarily smoothed through amiable compromise; small progress achieved toward resolving the main story goal; a minor subplot concluded with victory; whatever floats your boat as according to your particular story.

But then . . . (maniacal laughter ensues, full and deep and with head craned) . . . oh yes, and then you, the sadistic writer you are, should punish them with a doubly wicked turn of two negative scenes (bad, and worse), however major or minor, a negative shove in the wrong direction followed by a punch in the face as they stumble backwards for regaining stolen balance: someone close to the protagonist betrays them; a loved one is harmed, kidnapped or killed; a precious item is discovered broken or lost or stolen; a friendship dissolves through misplaced suspicion or an argument of a past misgiving resurfaced; the simple twist of a sprained ankle while running; whatever floats your boat as according to your particular story.

You can bundle the bad and worse scenes into one horrible scene if you like, depending on how good the scene preceding it, or keep them separate though chained in a sort of double whammy ala the shove then punch. Point being, reward and punishment go hand in hand when it comes to great fiction. Because reward followed by punishment instigates constant conflict, and conflict piques our interests while demanding we keep reading until its dramatic and surprising though logical and satisfying conclusion.

Two bickering neighbors outside?

You know you crack your window to steal a better listen while peeking through the blinders opened just enough of a touch to see what’s happening across the street.

A car wreck on the side of the road?

Of course you slow down while passing and staring at the police handcuffing the driver as their crying spouse tries to fight off Johnny Law.

Why?

Because conflict is interesting.

Offer your eager protagonist climber a daunting tree up which they clamber then shout victory while clinging to its swaying apex (Good).

Now throw rocks at them until they fall (Bad).

Now kick them in the ribs while laughing strong (Worse).

Then you remove a bit and allow them recovering space through which they groan into standing, dust off and, determined not to be undone, they prove eager for that next harrowing climb (Great)!

And when they do, make sure you grab another handful of rocks and take aim as they clamber once more up that inviting tree of conflict . . . because good + bad x worse = great fiction!

Traditional vs. Self-Publishing . . . or How to Price your Ebooks and Paperbacks Part Two

This advice is for the average fiction author self-publishing through Amazon KDP; nonfiction buyers are less price-sensitive because of the content involved and what they might learn from it.

I needed to update book prices on my website because of Amazon KDP’s new paperback price hike policy (**see below) and happened to take a gander at a previous article I wrote not so long ago about how to properly price your ebooks and paperbacks, and it got me thinking after quickly rereading it.

So let me Dr. Phil this ‘article update’ since I proved pretty damn long-winded in the first article while vomiting tons of various statistics and figures all over the place that might have left some of you just as confused going out the door as you were coming in because I never gave a definitive answer.

Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty and rub some dirt on it, shall we?

Traditional Publishing:

A traditionally published author receives 5–20% royalties on print books, and 25% on ebooks. On average, traditional publishing houses pay authors $1.25 per copy sold. The average word count for full length adult fiction in traditional publishing is 70,000 to 120,000 words, depending upon the specific genre. The average traditionally published book sells 3,000 copies over the course of its lifetime.

Self-Publishing:

Amazon KDP pays its self-published authors 60% royalties on paperbacks, 70% on ebooks priced $2.99 to $9.99, and 35% on ebooks priced under $2.99 or over $9.99.

Don’t buy into the hype rampant on YouTube about “How to earn $10,000+ per month selling your books my way on Amazon!” because those scam artists make most of their money from YouTube, are only baiting you into clicking on their videos because to them more views equals more money, and they spend a large amount of their YouTube earnings on expensive book promotions and advertising that most of us don’t possess the means to fund in order to finagle the sales results as ‘proof’ of their claims just so you’ll watch more of their videos while contributing to their revenue. The cold, hard fact is: 90% of self-published books sell less than 100 copies, and 20% of self-published authors report making no income from their books.

So what to do?

First, don’t get discouraged. Real authors write for the love of writing, not because of some get-rich-quick scheme.

Next, base the price of your paperback novel on the price of its ebook, meaning if you profit $3 per ebook sold then adjust its paperback equivalent so that it also profits around $3 per sale. These prices won’t typically be an exact match, so find the ebook profit per sale first then choose the over/under profit per sale closest to that number for its paperback equivalent. Just remember to keep both prices ending in 99 or 95 because these are the two top-selling prices of the market, so adjust accordingly. Also remember that most of your profits will come from ebook sales over paperback sales, and this discrepancy is only growing.

According to years of personal experience, hours of fondling Google’s naughty little search engine, Smashwords, successful authors like James Scott Bell, and plenty of other sources too many to name, the optimum price range for fiction ebooks is $2.99 to $4.99, depending upon genre and length. This is because the order of top-selling ebook prices on Amazon is:

1. $3.99

2. $2.99

3. $0.99

4. $4.99

5. $5.99

6. $1.99

7. $6.99

8. $7.99, $8.99, and $9.99 (these three have the same sales rate)

*the drop in ebook sales numbers from $3.99 to $5.99 is over half, and the drop in sales numbers from $5.99 to $7/8/9.99 is by half again.

Clearly the magic sweet spot is $3.99 for maximum sales, an affordable yet competitive price, and a decent author profit.

Though obviously genre, word count, either fiction or nonfiction, and author brand recognition all factor into this, but we’re talking the law of averages here.

The average word count for full length adult fiction in traditional publishing is 90,000 words.

The average word count for full length narrative nonfiction in traditional publishing is 75,000 words.

The average word count for full length prescriptive nonfiction in traditional publishing is 60,000 words.

Statistically, the ‘sweet spot’ for full length fiction (action & adventure, sci fi & fantasy, mystery & suspense . . . etc) is $3.99.

The ‘sweet spot’ for full length narrative nonfiction (memoirs, essays, auto/biographies . . . etc) is $5.99.

The ‘sweet spot’ for full length prescriptive nonfiction (business and finance, health and wellness, educational how-to’s . . . etc) is $7.99+.

This is because Amazon KDP’s ‘sweet spot’ for all ebooks is $2.99 to $9.99 in order to earn that tasty 70% royalty; anything priced above or below, even by a single penny, and your royalty rate drops to 35% (and don’t even get me started on Amazon’s 40% royalty Expanded Distribution option, which is a complete waste of time while earning you little if any money).

Fiction sells based on genre.

Narrative nonfiction sells based on theme.

Prescriptive nonfiction sells based on purpose.

All three depend upon the particular reader’s interests.

Fiction sells for less because most people read a novel only once or twice before giving it away, storing it on a bookshelf to gather dust, or deleting it from their digital reading device to make room for other books.

Narrative nonfiction sells for a little more because most people are interested in their favorite celebrity’s life story, or they can emotionally relate to your battle with overcoming cancer, your triumphant struggle against suicide or religious awakening.

Prescriptive nonfiction sells for a lot more because most people are seeking to learn something new, as well these books are often referenced over and again throughout the years because of what they have to teach.

As to self-publishing fiction prices and profits . . . factor in the average expected word count of your genre then base the paperback price on its ebook profit per sale.

If you’ve written an ‘average-length’ novel in your genre, pick $3.99 for its ebook price then adjust its paperback profit per sale to its ebook profit per sale.

If you’ve written a ‘below average-length’ novel in your genre, pick $2.99 for its ebook price then adjust its paperback price accordingly.

If you’ve written an ‘above average-length’ novel in your genre, pick $4.99 for its ebook price then adjust its paperback price accordingly.

Anything less ($0.99) should be reserved for loss leaders (the first book in a series that already has several novels released), promotional sales, or short stories.

Anything more ($5.99+) should be reserved for doorstopper novels (200,000+ words), and nonfiction books.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

No fuss or muss, no headache or hassle.

But again, remember that other things such as genre and author brand recognition factor into this. For example, romance tends to sell at a lower average price, whereas erotica tends to sell at a higher average price, just like most fantasy novels are expected to have a higher than average word count for normal prices.

As to author brand recognition . . . if it’s your first novel and you’re a complete unknown then choose a lower than average price to get your book into as many readers’ hands as possible so they’ll return for future novels. If you’ve been at it a couple of years with several novels out and have a growing readership then price your books to the average. And if you’re a well-known author with an established fanbase and a large catalog of published works then you can risk pricing your books higher than average.

Point being: stay humble and don’t be greedy; also, use your head and stop overthinking it because it’s not rocket science.

So why not just base all of your prices on traditional publishing profits?

Because traditionally published authors and their publishing houses have to split the profits of a book (which ranges on average from $1 to $4 per copy sold), and you also have to factor in house editors, PR teams, author brand recognition and all that snaz. Whereas self-published authors typically do all of the work themselves, which is why they deserve to profit more per sale.

There are plenty of free options available when it comes to cover design and interior layout (such as Midjourney, and Canva; both have paid options too and are well worth the cost), proper manuscript/document formatting, and when it comes to editing it is well advised that you should learn how to do this yourself instead of paying an expensive copyeditor (whom typically charges $10+ per printed page, double-spaced and with 1-inch margins) because knowing how to edit your novel will only improve your writing, which leads to less future editing while saving you money.

If you’re a real author then you’re not looking to get rich quick off of publishing one or two books as if writing is some kind of lottery, otherwise you’re in this business for all the wrong reasons. Instead you should focus on consistently releasing great content while establishing a loyal readership with a growing catalog of books, because authorship isn’t a sprint but a lifelong marathon.

And since the average traditionally published author earns $1.25 per book sold, you’re already earning more than them even if you price your fiction ebook lower at $2.99, which typically profits you around $2 per sale depending on the file size.

**If you don’t know by now (then this is a wake-up call), Amazon KDP has changed its printing policies so that all of its self-published authors are taking a huge cut to their paperback profits come June 20th 2023. Depending on the size of your books, this could mean as much as a 38% profit reduction per paperback sale.

Yup.

You read that right.

38% profit reduction per paperback sale.

That’s for the 8.5 x 11 inchers though, and the royalty cut reduces a little for the smaller trim size of your book (pretty much every book sized 6 x 9 and over is going to have a higher minimum manufacturing cost to print, and the larger the book the larger the cost).

I took Amazon’s ‘bulk update’ option to make things easier, but news flash: you will still have to go back and manually adjust all of the prices of all of your paperback books because that bulk-update will leave their prices all wonky and often much too high compared to the previous price.

Fact is, you’re going to have to bite the bullet and accept that you will earn less money from your paperback sales from now on than you did before. Either that or charge your potential readers a lot more, which is never a good idea and only leaves a sour taste in their mouth.

Anywho . . .

So why the minimum manufacturing cost price hike all of a sudden?

I’m guessing it’s the combination of Amazon’s hefty loss of billions of moolah on their failed Rings of Power woke-show alongside the flood of low-content books (journals, diaries, coloring books . . . etc) over the previous years that a plethora of scam-baiting YouTubers espouse as their get-rich-quick scheme.

Regardless, this is Amazon KDP’s new industry standard for all of its authors. Either deal with the heat or get out of the kitchen.

Magic Oracle Die . . . or the Fun Chaos Factor of Pantsing!

If you haven't noticed by now from reading some of my previous articles, I love employing dice into the creative process; probably because I've always been a tabletop gamer at heart (Dungeons & Dragons is stating the glaring obvious, I grew up playing beloved HeroQuest that will always hold a special place in my heart, I currently enjoy the excellent and highly recommended Four Against Darkness rpg for solo adventurers whenever I have a spare hour to dungeon-delve between writing and life, and I'm also working on finishing up a rules-lite homebrew solo rpg of my own design presently titled 'One-Shot Dungeon' that will hopefully soon see publishing release and, if enough others also enjoy it, may include future add-ons via adventure books, campaign expansions and character additions).

So here's another fun little dice-ditty to add to your writerly repertoire that's worked well for me.

I'm a plotter by nature, but sometimes it's fun to buck the trend and do a little pantsing every now and again. I enjoy challenging myself like that because it leads me down new and unexpected avenues of creativity otherwise untapped.

And I do this with my magic oracle die.

What's that, you ask?

What is a magic oracle die?

I unexpectedly procured it one fine day when taking my only cow for sale to market, and it's served me well ever since.

My magic oracle die is simple, really. The one-eyed traveling merchant who constantly twisted the ends of his dark moustache while cackling during our fateful trade swore it was blessed by the Gods who farted on it before casting it to Earth from the glorious heavens above.

One six-sided die, it be, and each side represents an answer to any Yes or No question I ask of it while also providing that answer an interesting little string of influences attached I might not otherwise think of.

While writing from the seat of my pants, I often pause and ask my magic oracle die a Yes or No question then roll and consult its result.

I call this the Chaos Factor because it introduces surprising and random though logical events into your writing you wouldn't otherwise think of on the fly as your fingers tap-tap-taparoo away at the keyboard.

So make yourself a tiny chart to keep on hand while writing to consult whenever you get stuck, bored, curious, or just want to throw a monkeywrench into your scenes and see what happens.

Here's the Chaos Factor chart of my magic oracle die (the numbers assigned are arbitrary because you have a 1 in 6 chance of rolling each response):

1. No . . . And . . . And.

2. No . . . And . . . But.

3. No . . . But . . . And.

4. Yes . . . But . . . And.

5. Yes . . . And . . . But.

6. Yes . . . And . . . And.

*You could also use a blank die and, with a Sharpie, write abbreviations of the chart results on its six respective sides: NAA, NAB, NBA, YBA, YAB, YAA.

TIP: the magic oracle die also works great while plotting your initial outline!

What this Chaos Factor chart represents is the initial answer to your Yes or No question followed by two additional effects dependent upon the response preceding it.

For example, you roll #6 (Yes . . . And . . . And) for the response to your question: Knowing two armed guards await her on the other side of a closed door because she sneakily pursued them here without their knowing . . . "Does my female protagonist detective throw caution to the wind and successfully kick in the door?"

(Yes) she manages to kick in the door that hits the first armed guard right in the startled kisser, (And) the unexpected impact knocks him out cold, (And) his gun fires a stray bullet during his unconscious collapse to the floor, shooting the second armed guard in the stomach while incapacitating him for interrogation.

Understand that this is not how you would literally write the scene, this is just a short sequential reveal of how the events possibly happen. If you like the result then you would obviously write the scene all the way through in more detail and with better description. If you don't like the result then just reroll for another.

Now let's say you instead rolled #5 (Yes . . . And . . . But) in response to the same question.

(Yes) she manages to kick in the door that hits the first armed guard right in the startled kisser, (And) the unexpected impact knocks him out cold, (But) his gun fires a stray bullet during his unconscious collapse to the floor, shooting the protagonist in her thigh while the commotion alerts the second armed guard to her newly injured presence who raises his gun and draws a steady bead upon her exposed position.

That's two Yeses, but what if you'd rolled a No instead? Okay, let's pick one at random and find out where it leads us.

You ask the same question, then roll the magic oracle die and get result #2 (No . . . And . . . But).

(No) she fails to kick in the door that proves so fragile her eager foot bursts through the rotting wood, (And) her kicking leg becomes awkwardly captured up to the thigh within the hole of her debacle while alerting the two armed guards on the other side to her intrusive and now vulnerable presence, (But) she manages to free herself just in the nick as enemy bullets pierce through the door in a spray of splinters while whizzing past her by inches as she tumbles backwards to the floor where she lays shooting a rapid return of blind gunshots that kills one guard while injuring the other—revealed after she risks sitting up, pistol clip spent, and views through the jagged hole of her initial kick upon the riddled door at the injured guard who sits clutching his stomach next to his dead companion, his gun abandoned to staunch the bleeding with his pressing hands.

(Yes) I added a bit of writerly flair to that last example for fun's sake, (And) I could go on and on providing endless examples of my magic oracle die, (But) I'll stop it here because I think you grasp the concept of how its wonderful Chaos Factor of influence works by now.

So grab your own magic oracle die and have some fun testing it out!

Protagonist Potential . . . or Why the Dominant Character Flaw is so damn Important

I've kept this lesson as concise as possible because I'm about to reveal the single most important piece of advice you will ever learn as a fiction writer regardless your genre, and often point, purpose and meaning become lost amid overcomplicated explanations which can lead to frustrating confusion.

Here is the core formula of every story ever told in its most basic form:

A flawed protagonist's ordinary world is disrupted by an unfamiliar event associated with their dominant character flaw. They endure trials and tribulations, both positive and negative, which are connected to their dominant character flaw. They eventually arrive to decision and either overcome or surrender to their dominant character flaw. Then they are either rewarded or punished accordingly.

So how does this apply to the Acts?
Like so:

Act 1 (Inciting Incident): A flawed protagonist's ordinary world is disrupted by an unfamiliar event associated with their dominant character flaw.

Act 2A (Trials & Tribulations): They endure trials and tribulations, both positive and negative, which are connected to their dominant character flaw.

Act 2B (Dark Night of the Soul): They eventually arrive to decision and either overcome or surrender to their dominant character flaw.

Act 3 (Triumphant or Tragic Climax): Then they are either rewarded or punished accordingly.


This simple core formula works for both Plotters and Pantsers as well every genre that exists because every story is about protagonist change, whether Triumphant positive or Tragic negative, all stemming from their dominant character flaw, and once that change is triumphantly rewarded or tragically punished your story is over.
This is why you must begin the creation of your story by establishing an interesting and relatable dominant character flaw restricting the protagonist from achieving their full potential, because everything in your story relates to the protagonist eventually overcoming or surrendering to their dominant character flaw as well the ensuing reward or punishment either earns them as the story's moral lesson, providing its proof of purpose to exist.

!Bonus!: I'll retouch on this here from other lessons as a reminder: every protagonist has two antagonists (Internal, and External). Because of this, every story has two climaxes (for lack of better terms: minor, and major).
The triumphant protagonist overcomes their dominant character flaw during the minor climax at the end of Act 2, which in turn provides them the capability to defeat the External antagonist during the major climax at the end of Act 3.
The tragic protagonist surrenders to their dominant character flaw during the minor climax at the end of Act 2, which in turn condemns them to losing against the External antagonist during the major climax at the end of Act 3.
The Internal antagonist the protagonist confronts during the minor climax at the end of Act 2 is the spiritual manifestation of their dominant character flaw inhibiting their growth.
The External antagonist the protagonist confronts during the major climax at the end of Act 3 is the physical manifestation of their dominant character flaw inhibiting their change.

Because it's all about potential, baby, and whether the protagonist achieves it for better or worse.

The Only Trouble Is . . . or Finding Your Story's Big Question

Every story needs to present then eventually answer one main question above all others. You present it with the Inciting Incident during Act 1 (intriguing the reader’s interest), then you answer it during Act 3’s Climax (satisfying the reader’s lust for knowing), while throughout Act 2 you keep us guessing about the inevitable outcome by providing clues to entice us and red herrings to misguide us (taunting and teasing the reader’s tenacious curiosity).

But where do you begin when it comes to finding your big story question?

I suggest starting with your story’s genre, like so:

Caper: How will they pull it off?

Family Drama: Will the family survive their ordeal as a family or fall apart?

Fantasy: How can we defeat the dragon and save the kingdom?

Love Story: Will they get married and live happily ever after?

Mystery: Whodunnit?

Romance: Will she find Mr. Right?

Science Fiction: How can we defeat the aliens and save Earth?

Sports Story: Who will win the game?

Spy Story: Who’s the mole?

Thriller: Whydunnit?

War Story: Will they complete their mission—and at what cost?

Western: Will the new sheriff clean up the town?

*note: obviously these are not all the genres, nor are they the only questions one could ask of a particular genre, but you get my point.

Now begin tailoring it with uniqueness by discovering your protagonist’s words to live by, and you do this by describing their deepest human desire. It always begins with “I just want . . .” then they fill in the blank by ending the statement with a concise answer. For example, if you asked them their one true desire above all else at the beginning of your story they would answer something along the lines of:

I just want happiness.

I just want to be loved.

I just want freedom.

I just want to be in charge.

I just want justice.

I just want to be left alone.

I just want equality.

I just want to create.

I just want power.

I just want to explore.

I just want money.

I just want to help.

Now link the two into your big story question by inserting the main trouble that inconveniences the protagonist from obtaining or maintaining their one true desire. You describe the protagonist’s situation and /or want and then complicate it by inserting “. . . the only trouble is” and then describing the story’s main complication for the protagonist. For example:

Alien: A space cargo crew wants to return home after a long mission . . . the only trouble is a killer acid-blooded alien boards their ship and stalks them one by one.

Big Trouble In Little China: A truck driver wants his stolen truck back . . . the only trouble is he has to battle the Lords of Death and their ancient sorcerer leader who took it.

First Blood: A vagabond Vietnam vet wants to leave the war behind . . . the only trouble is he’s hunted by a new enemy—the bigoted sheriff who falsely arrests him.

Jaws: An aquaphobic sheriff wants to maintain his peaceful beach . . . the only trouble is a man-eating shark begins terrorizing the local swimmers.

Rocky: A struggling amateur boxer wants to prove himself worthy of respect . . . the only trouble is he has to fight the world heavyweight champion on national television to earn it.

Splash: A lonely young man wants true love and finally meets the girl of his dreams . . . the only trouble is she’s a mermaid.

Unforgiven: A reformed gunslinger wants to provide for his poor family . . . the only trouble is he has to kill again to earn the money.

The great thing about knowing your big story question is that you begin your story by asking it then once you answer it you know your story is over. Because presenting then eventually answering your big story question is the entire point why your story exists. As well knowing it helps keep everything in your story logically linked, because if you write a scene that has nothing to do with your big story question then you know right away that scene does not belong in your story.

My advice: Discover your big story question, write it on a scrap of paper then tape it on the wall above your computer so you can glance at it whenever you are writing. I advise doing this before you begin your first draft. Often you don’t know your big story question until sometime during or after outlining your story. Problems arise if you begin writing your novel before knowing your big story question, because if you discover it after you’ve written tens of thousands of words or even only after you’ve finished your first draft then it’s guaranteed your story contains scenes and events that need edited or even completely removed because they have nothing to do with your big story question.

Pantsers often make this mistake, not knowing their big story question until they are deep into or after writing their first draft. They are then tasked with extraneous amounts of editing to fix their novel-to-be, or they just say screw it and leave it as is then they wonder why the finished novel receives poor reviews and doesn’t sell well.

If you are reading my latest book and its big story question is if the retired CIA agent father will find then rescue his kidnapped daughter by using his particular set of skills, but I’ve also filled it with chapters of him taking cooking classes to become the chef he’s always dreamed of, you as the reader are going to pause in confused wonderment as to why I’ve included those cooking classes scenes that have nothing at all to do with the big story question of him attempting to rescue his kidnapped daughter. Heck, you might even decide to toss the book aside for something better written without even finishing it, and I wouldn’t blame you.

Discover your big story question before writing your novel then stick to it and you’ll never be led astray while writing.

As well knowing your big story question before you begin the writing process helps you during the writing process because all of your major plot points revolve around answering it. This helps you employ tricks such as providing false information and presenting situations causing the reader to believe it’s now impossible for the protagonist to ever resolve their particular issue at hand . . . but then somehow during the Climax they pull it off in a surprising though logical way that sends delightful chills through your satisfied readers.

This is especially true when writing mysteries, because knowing your big story question beforehand allows you to place wonderful little clues that make your reader feel they are solving the case right by the detective’s side as well you can add in red herrings that mislead your guessing reader at every turn of page.

And if you are new to plotting then knowing your big story question before you outline allows you to really ramp up the tension and conflict of your ensuing plot points as you map them out.

If I could give one piece of advice to any aspiring author as to how to sooth their plotting woes it would be to discover your big story question before writing a single word of that pesky first draft because it will save you so much trouble later when plot holes arises you don’t know how to write your characters out of or during the editing process saving you time trimming your first draft into a novel.

And as always, my second piece of advice for bettering their writing is to Never Use The Word Was . . . though I’ve already covered this little golden nugget in other articles and several of my writer training manuals.

The great thing about knowing your big story question is you can test it by presenting it to others and seeing if it interests them or not before you spend hours every day for months or even years actually writing it into novel form. If it excites them then you know it’s a story worth telling. If it bores them then you know you need to discover a different big story question.

And here’s a tip if you’re shy about it or worried of the responses: just lie while working it in to casual conversation, saying you just watched a movie then giving them your big story question as the fake movie’s description. If they ask what the movie is called because they want to watch it, pat yourself on the back then just tell them you forget the title. Now go home and write it!

Good luck!

Rolling with the Homies . . . or the Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy Adventure Generator!

Fantasy writers can use these inspiration tables as an adventure generator for your next exciting story. But don’t think the tables are limited to the fantasy genre. Plug and play with the provided tables as you like and as according to your specific genre.

For instance, as with horror or suspense or mystery you might replace Kingdom with Haunted House, or Build with Stalk, or Wizard with Detective . . . and so on.

I suggest making a list of genre-specific persons, places, things and events (anything and everything that comes to your mind) then arranging, rearranging, as well swapping the options from the supplied tables until you have those that are more suited to your preferred genre of writing.

And after that?

Have fun with your new adventure generator!

The great thing is you only need the bare minimum of supplies: a pen, paper, and everyone has some six-sided dice lying somewhere around the house that can provide you the easy means required.

 

How to use:

Roll 2d6 (two six-sided dice) for each column of the inspiration tables in this order: Thing > Action > Thing > Fallout.

This creates a threat or entity that wishes to act upon another entity, and if successful then fallout occurs. For example: a Warlord (4) wants to Corrupt (6) a Kingdom (7) which causes Slavery (11).

 

-THING-

2. Horde

3. Monarch

4. Warlord

5. Monster

6. Wizard

7. Kingdom

8. Cult

9. Artifact

10. Interloper

11. Deity

12. Monolith

 

-ACTION-

2. Destroy

3. Protect

4. Discover

5. Steal

6. Corrupt

7. Revive

8. Build

9. Dislocate

10. Empower

11. Weaken

12. Control

 

-FALLOUT-

2. Plague

3. Exile

4. Upheaval

5. Tyranny

6. Slaughter

7. War

8. Desecration

9. Famine

10. Summoning

11. Slavery

12. Cataclysm

 

*Note: I did not invent this method or these tables by any means. Tabletop gamers have been using them or some modified version of this system for too many years to count for a single person to claim true credit.

Again, for your own adventure generator I suggest you tailor your inspiration tables to your specific genre of writing. Want more of a sci-fi? Then swap in Spaceship or Aliens. Is ‘Monster’ too vague a term for your potential horror story? Then change it to something more specific like Vampire or Werewolf or some other imaginary beast your characters might contend with.

You can shorten or lengthen your adventure generator as well if you care to invest a few dollars and purchase some specialized gaming dice, or just add or subtract another six-sided die while adjusting your inspiration tables’ numerics and their options accordingly.

With these tables (or any modified version of them) you can generate a story adventure in seconds that is easily applied to the protagonist, the antagonist, or any other of your characters, giving them an instant purpose to act upon and a reason to be acted against.

The possibilities are limited only by your imagination!

Titty Sprinkles . . . or How to write Erotica 101

I’ve recently ventured into the wild world of writing erotica short fiction . . . and so can you!

I never expected to write erotica in any capacity, but it turns out I have a natural flair for it. I discovered this quite by accident, sexting with several lady friends now and again over the years and earning praises for it every time, so the last time I fondled my keyboard while she fondled something else, something clicked in my brain and I thought: Hmm, why not try to write and sell this stuff?

I write under a pen name, and I can’t reveal it because that would defeat the entire purpose of using a pseudonym, so you’ll just have to take everything I say from here on in on faith . . . though hopefully my track record of being an award-winning and bestselling fantasy author under my real name will help convince you that I’m not lying for the heck of it.

Once I set my mind to it, I dedicated hours every day for months reading, studying and researching anything and everything erotica. I spent well over $200 buying erotica novels and short story collections and how-to write erotica books.

While perusing online erotica forums I chanced across some information about the ‘Dirty 30’ from successful erotica writers that advised not to expect any good or recurring amounts of money from your writing until you’ve published at least 30 erotica short stories.

I took that information and decided not to publish a single one until I had a bank of at least 30 erotica stories.

So that’s what I did, and got to work, writing one erotica short story each and every day. After which I edited and polished five of them then published all five at once, knowing because they’re short stories with a common theme that if someone enjoys one then they’ll probably immediately want to read another.

I was right.

So what determines an erotica short story’s length?

I came up with this little formula on my own and have discovered it works fantastically, based upon two facts:

1. The average person reads 300 words per minute.

2. The average person also reads for 10 to 20 minutes per day.

I took these two factoids and applied them to my erotica shorts to ensure the best total word count possible:

300 words per minute for 10 minutes equals 3,000 words.

Double that to 20 minutes and you get 6,000 words.

Now I had the minimum and maximum word count range for my erotica shorts of 3,000 to 6,000 words at 10 to 20 minutes of reading.

Perfect!

My theory proved true when within less than one hour after publishing my first five stories, my erotica shorts, with zero advertising or any promotion whatsoever involved, started selling on Amazon. People also read them for free with KU (Kindle Unlimited), earning me even more money while word of mouth continued to spread.

And they’ve sold while making me money every day since.

Which is nice because the average price for an erotica short story is $2.99 digital, of which you profit $2 plus a couple of pennies depending on the size of your file.

You see, erotica readers are willing to pay more for less because they aren’t just buying your story or characters, they are buying their particular fetish that gets them off mentally and often also physically.

One thing I also noticed about the erotica genre is that you don’t have to be a great writer to write great erotica. I discovered this enlightening fact after buying lots of erotica paperbacks from Amazon with raving reviews and high star ratings then reading them like crazy, and much to my surprise almost all of them read as if written by a ninth grader with a learning disability—the technical writing itself, anyways.

In every one of those books I noted multiple spelling or grammar or formatting errors . . . the latter which annoys me because a lot of erotica writers try to stretch out their stories’ lengths with little tricks such as adding spacing between each and every paragraph or using extra-large fonts or big margins and the like to increase their paperback page count.

I don’t use these tricks because I’d feel like I’m ripping off my readers or lying to them . . . since that’s exactly how I feel after buying such a book.

Treat your readers well, because you owe them everything, and they will return for more.

Considering my years of writing experience, I started with a leg up on the competition. And I’ve actually had to tame down my writing because erotica readers aren’t expecting Shakespeare or Hemingway, nor do they want to have to pause and look up the definition to ten-syllable words amid long and flowery flows of purple prose. It’s best to keep it rather basic while peppering in that flowery description.

As well remember not to get too descriptive when it comes to your main character. Erotica readers enjoy most putting themselves into the place of one of the characters, typically the main, and if you describe yours in excruciating detail then you risk your readers having trouble dislocating themselves into the role of the main character they may resemble nothing of.

This can apply to your other characters as well, because erotica readers often enjoy replacing them with people they know in real life to enhance while tailoring the carnal fantasies and imagining them together in that particular situation of your story.

But that is only a suggestion, mind, so I leave the depth of your character descriptions up to you.

This does not, however, apply to all description. Always remember the five senses when it comes to describing your scenes: touch, hearing, sight, smell, taste. But don’t overload every one of your scenes with all five senses all of the time or you will overwhelm your reader. Instead, feather them in here and there throughout your story.

I started with what I call the Excusable Taboo genre of erotica fiction by writing stepparent and stepchild stories then branching out. Reason being that the majority of people in the world at some point in life have some type of step family member so the subject is highly relatable. I call this particular sexual fetish the Excusable Taboo because it’s taboo in that, “We can’t do this because we’re legally related” and yet it’s excusable in that, “But we can do this because we’re not blood related.”

Amazon KDP offers the author two erotica categories, the first is just Erotica in the fiction list, and for the second you have to click on Romance and then click on Erotica as its subgenre. I suggest choosing these two categories (don’t worry, just because you choose the Erotica category for your book does not condemn it to Amazon’s Adult Dungeon; more on this in a minute) and not trying to pass your disguised erotica off in other categories because Amazon will eventually find out and change its category for you, and plus you’ll piss off a lot of people and possibly earn negative reviews if you sneak your hardcore erotica into pure Romance without the extra erotica tag as those readers will feel lied to and tricked.

There are also forbidden fetishes to steer clear of such as rape, real incest or sex with minors (just to be sure of the latter, I also include a little sentence on the copyright page of every one of my stories stating that all characters involved in anything sexual are considered at least 18 years of age and consenting adults). If you try to sneak any of this in on Amazon, they will eventually find out, ban your book and probably block your account, preventing you from ever publishing through them again.

As to your pen name, this is easy. Instead of typing your real name as you normally would when creating your book using Amazon KDP, instead you just type your pen name. Amazon knows it’s you because it’s still your account, and they’ll still pay you.

And don’t pick something complicated or stupid or funny as your pen name, like Tzinorina Chamtopolouse or Titty Sprinkles or Amanda Hugnkiss. Choose a pen name that is simple to pronounce, spell and easy to remember. Something like Blair Smith or Georgia Jones or Sasha Gray.

Also, choose a male pen name with caution because unless it’s man on man gay erotica that you’re writing, most male readers want to believe what they’re reading was written by a woman who also found it sexually arousing and not written by some other dude. Women also prefer erotica written by other women for same reasons. Go figure.

Just make sure to check the name on Amazon first so you don’t accidentally pick one by an already successful author of the same or other genre because this can cause you all sorts of little problems like their angry readers buying something from you by mistake, or your books getting lost in the shuffle because the name also belongs to an author who has published 100+ books about fishing.

I read it on multiple forums that you should publish your erotica fiction during the week because on weekends Amazon KDP’s algorithms and their book reviewers supposedly work overtime and tend to more often condemn the harder erotica to Amazon’s Adult Dungeon: which means people have to turn off Amazon’s adult filter and look for your book otherwise it won’t show up, and your books also aren’t recommended on Amazon because of it. This will cut into your sales dramatically, obviously.

I haven’t tested this theory with any of my erotica, not wishing to risk it while losing a story to the Adult Dungeon where it will probably forever stay, but I can say that it is true from other experience. I’ve published lots of other stuff under my real name (over seventy books both fiction and nonfiction, paperback and digital, novellas, stories, courses . . . et cetera), and every single time I’ve ever had a problem I needed to deal with during publishing because of a rejected review it was always sometime during the weekend. So my advice: don’t bother risking it and just publish your erotica during the week.

Understand when writing that erotica is all about the hesitation and anticipation. Sure there’s the necessary payoff of the climax where they have sex, but you need to lure and entice your readers along the way. Think of it like having lots of foreplay before the sex with a new partner you’re trying to impress.

Your stories should be a series of naughty and/or forbidden lines being crossed, then some manner of hesitation from at least one of the parties involved before crossed again, now a little easier because once you cross a line it becomes easier and easier to cross the next time and the time after that and so on.

Erotica short stories do not follow the typical Joseph Campbell Hero’s Journey or Blake Snyder’s Save the Cat! beat sheet or any of my previous blog posts on plot, because it’s a unique genre unto itself. Yes there is a protagonist (always their desire is pursuing sex or being pursued for it, depending upon the particular fetish involved) and yes a variety of plot points exist, but no one is buying and reading your erotica shorts for the rich tapestry of backstory or the exquisite building of your world or the deep development of the characters involved . . . they’re reading it to get sexually aroused, plain and simple.

You introduce your characters then present a situation from which they will eventually engage in sex—that is always the promise of your premise when it comes to erotica. Between the set-up and the climax you fill your story with a series of naughty/forbidden lines being crossed, each one a little more risky yet rewarding than the previous.

And you don’t rush into anything—this isn’t Letters to Penthouse with a 1,000 word limit.

Start with something simple like exchanged glances of a shared though forbidden attraction. Move your characters through lingering stares and vocal teasing to flirting that tests the iffy waters between them to brief physical touches, then kissing, then fondling, then foreplay and oral before the satisfying full-bore sex you promised, leaving your happy reader fulfilled though always craving more. After the climax, end your story with a short paragraph or two showing the change in the protagonist and/or their new situation then call it quits.

Again, erotica is read for the sex and its particular fetish involved, but most importantly the sensual anticipation leading up to it which should comprise the majority of your story.

And choose your titles wisely.

Calling yours ‘Daddy blasts his hot cum all over his virgin daughter’s teenage tittyballs!’ is a sure-fire way to get your book immediately into Amazon’s Adult Dungeon where it might not sell a single copy.

Apply this discretion to the book blurb and Amazon description as well.

For instance don’t use the word virgin, instead state that it’s a character’s first time losing their innocence.

Also don’t use naked people for your cover, otherwise it’s straight to the Dungeon. Amazon has rules for this, and I suggest you look them up, such as a woman showing too much cleavage or buttcheeks, or nipples, or a guy’s happy trail or the top of his pubes because his pants are riding extremely low.

Make your title and cover and blurb hint at the particular fetish and theme you wrote about and leave it there. People aren’t stupid, and most erotica readers are purposefully searching out their particular fetishes anyways.

What I do now for my erotica is stick to a schedule, I have a bank of stories and I publish one per week, maybe one every two weeks if life gets busy. On Monday I pick a story already written then edit and polish it perfect. On Tuesday I write a brand new steamy story then save it in the bank. On Wednesday or Thursday I take Monday’s polished story and publish it. Repeat.

Plus, and this is very important, PUT THIS ADDRESS LINK ON THE LAST PAGE OF YOUR EROTICA STORY:

https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=

After the = sign just insert the particular ASIN of your erotica story with no spacing between it and the = sign. What this does is provide the reader with a clickable link that will take them directly to the review page for your story. This one little additional ditty will generate more reviews than anything else you will ever do.

But don’t get too excited since a lot of your readers won’t review your erotica because they are too embarrassed about having their Amazon account tied to their preferred sexual fetishes they enjoy indulging in . . . despite the irony of it already being linked because they bought your stories to begin with. Go figure again.

Your last page should be a simple Thank You note to your readers then the clickable address link asking for them to review it. Don’t beg and don’t demand, just thank them, provide the link and leave it at that.

Know that you’ll have to fill in your ASIN, copy and paste it into the address bar of your computer and go to the webpage yourself, then re-copy and paste the entire address from the address bar before copying and pasting it into your digital book to make it a clickable link, otherwise it’ll just be type the reader will have to copy and paste themselves, which the majority of them won’t bother with because people are inherently lazy.

The genres of erotica typically can be categorized as Soft, Harder, and Hardest. For example, Soft refers to a man’s penis as his Member, Harder is Penis, and Hardest is Cock. Personally I prefer to blend the three into one, starting my stories Soft, going Harder for the majority of the story then ending Hardest for the climax before the short wrap-up.

And where to get your ideas from?

Don’t be a shy prude.

Think about the last thing you imagined while masturbating then go from there, because I guarantee you’re not the only one with those same thoughts.

This is not everything you will ever need to know about writing erotica short fiction, but it’s plenty enough to get you started well on your path to becoming a successful erotica author.

Good luck!

Now go touch yourself then write about it.